This will be a short but sweet return to this blog o mine. I found this jar in the fridge at work. I’m pretty sure somebody is keeping milk in it…

Are you kidding me?

I have recently realized a dream of mine since I first started drinking beer; I’ve crafted my very own homebrew. According to the kit it’s a Dortmunder, a Pilsner from the Dortmund region of Germany (hence the Hitler-esque post title). Last night, my hard work finally paid off, and I was able to taste this beautiful creation. Lustrous amber color, creamy head, good mouth feel, clean finish, and a potent alcohol content. All around a fine brew.

Naturally, I documented the entire process from start to finish. Please enjoy this admittedly macro-heavy photo collection of my brewmeistering endeavour.

The brave ingredients who gave their lives for a bigger cause

Grain Sac

Grain sac excretions

added the malt and the hops, the smell was splendid

rapid cooling

preparing the bottles

bustin' caps

And time passed on…

…until yesterday, when the fruits of my labor could be enjoyed.

There she is...

she's a heady gal

good to the last drop.

Well that’s that; my struggle, my satisfaction, my beer.

I plan to share the joy of this pretty lady with those near and dear to me. so be on the lookout for a sampling session.

I was messing around with Adobe Flash and created this. It plays twice for some reason, but it’s probably for the best, there’s a lot to take in.

The beer brewing is off to a good start, more on that later, maybe even later tonite.

Here’s an early Christmas present for y’all ass. It’s like taking all of the best scenes and music from Tarantino’s movies, brewing them together in a boiling pot with barley, hops and black tar heroin, and then injecting that into your eyes and ears. At least this is what I imagine that would be like.

Tomorrow (later today), I  begin my first adventure in home brewing. Contrary to the post title, it’s not going to be a dopplebock,  but a dortmunder which is a pilsner. Hopefully I’ll know what the hell I’m talking about by the time this is all over.

I’m tired of employers saying that they require a certain amount of experience for an applicant to be considered for a job. I feel that I can be trained to do literally any job. Sure you must allow for a grace period of a couple weeks where I’d be completely out of my element, but that’s the same for everybody. No matter how much experience one has, humans will still make mistakes. Look at this guy.

All I know is that the job hunt is making me weary. I wish it were more like Jurassic Park, and the jobs would hunt me.

I think I’ll start a hot dog cart.

I am so damn bored
Maybe I’ll write a haiku
This one’s over now

I search night and day
Hunting for the perfect pet
I think I’ve found it

sumatranrhino2we0

 

There once was a man with no job,
And all night he’d stay up and sob.
His future was murky,
So he ventured to Turkey,
And now he eats only Kabob.

There once was a bird from the nest.
She was much more odd than the rest.
She flew like an eagle,
Could bark like a beagle,
And on Mondays wore only a vest.

Sup y’all

I just thought I’d put this video on here because it’s the best.

Good thing this guy wasn’t using car wash soap on that slide, or else he woulda been pissin sideways with bleeding nips for a couple days.

I’ve been pretty pathetic on this thing lately; nonexistent really, but some times there are more important things in life than blogging.

I’m gonna go find a hill, do some math, and try my damndest not to kill myself in the process of replicating this man’s success.